I Survived...

....almost a whole entire week at home alone!

My Mom took my Grandma and Aunt with her on an excursion to go visit my Uncle in Atlanta. This was the first time that my Grandma has been down to see his house, and they were so excited for the trip. I would've loved to go, but this was my very last week of school. There was no possible way I could join them. I was forced to stay home by myself (with 2 pooches) for a whole week....

I know what you're thinking... most 27 (almost 28) year olds should be able to spend time at home alone without any hesitation; however, for me, this was the longest time I've been alone since losing Robert.  Thanks to my amazing family and friends, I haven't had to spend much time alone in the past year. 

One thing I learned this week was... even though it's been a whole year, I'm not quite emotionally stable enough to spend that much time alone. Now, I know I could've reached out to friends here in town to spend time with after work, but the last week of work is quite busy and most nights I just wanted to be home. To top it off, I also developed some sort of sinus infection throughout the week, so I wasn't sleeping well and seemed to be exhausted at the end of the work day. 

Here's some pictures of what I kept myself busy with this week:

Last weekend, Jen came to visit. We went and met Courtney for lunch in Champaign, did some shopping
 

If you know me, you know I didn't buy these ... but had to try them on ...

and she helped me make these for my kiddos:
 

I'll sure miss this precious class!

 The fantastic pool that I was so proud of had way to many leaks to fix.  So... I took it down .... 

And put it in the truck.......

 

Goodbye pool with 17+ holes!

There was a lot of lounging time .... 
 

<3 these boys

The water heater wasn't working, so Harrison came to save the day and light the pilot light and showed me how to do it, so in the future .. I'm ON it!  

and I ended the week with putting up the NEW pool (mostly by myself)..... 

I was so happy to see my Mom, Grandma, and Aunt make it home!  To top that off, Laury showed up for a surprise visit yesterday and made my day!!!  I'm so grateful for her. What an amazing lady that I'm so proud to forever call my mother-in-law!  

 It was definitely a long lonely week, but, I made it, and I'm proud to say I was able to take just another step forward ... It's been a long road, and I know there's still farther to go, but I'll keep chugging along... 

ONE teacher work day tomorrow separates me from Summer 2013!!  Now, that there's a working pool full of water, I'm more than ready! 

This pool and I have many summer dates scheduled!

 Happy Summer!! 
 

Memorial Day Weeked 2013

I can't believe we're at the tail end of a long awaited 3 day weekend. It was full of cool weather, rain, storms, more rain, more storms, and a few short minutes of sunshine. 

Mom and I were bound and determined to get the pool up. It's a tradition to have the pool up on or before this weekend. Through the 50 degree temperatures and off and on rain, we succeeded in getting the pool up. It may not be warm enough for us to swim in for quite some time, but at least it's up. 

Ahh .. if only it were warm!

Then, Amy and T made it to town. We began working on flowers for her wedding. This involved using candles and burning fabric (as well as your fingers at time). I usually am not able to help with Amy's projects, but I did this one well.  I'm pretty impressed.  Amy and I were burning, and Mom was sewing.  Talk about team work! 

Flowers .. say what?

Later that evening, Nathan and Kristin came by and Baby Brynzlee made her first appearance at Grandma Kathy's house. I couldn't believe how much she's grown in the three weeks since I've seen her. I, of course, had to get some cuddle time with her and remind her how awesome her Aunt Erin is ... I just can't seem to let her forget. 

Quailty Auntie Erin and Bryn time

 Sunday turned out more perfect than I could've imagined. My entire family as well as Robert's Mom, brothers, and their girlfriends all gathered together. There's nothing better than spending the majority of the day gathered with family that mean so much to you. I thank my lucky stars (and Robert) over and over for joining our families together. It's amazing how we're all able to gather together and enjoy each other. Our two families have joined together to become the RoCo's and I couldn't be more happy about it. 

Such a precious girl

Uncle Ryan and his very first Roe niece

RoCo Family together at last!

 Laury was also introduced to Brynzlee. We all know that Robert had so much to do with sending her to the family, and it was so special to see Laury holding her. 

Loving Baby B

Such a precious moment

What a wonderful weekend full of family.  I couldn't ask for anything better! 

Lie Fizz Booty Fell

.. or Life is Beautiful! 

I've just spent the weekend with 4 pretty amazing girls. The 5 of us met when we attended Illinois College and lived on the same floor. We created a HUGE bond in the year we lived together which brings us to meeting once a year for Jen's annual birthday party the first weekend of December.  

What a face ...

Now, I know it's not December, but Jen buying a house prompted us to reunite in May. This also just so happened to be Courtney's birthday weekend, so we were still able to celebrate a birthday.   These are the type of friends that you could go forever without talking, but once you get together it's like you never missed a beat. The girls that are there for you through everything, and they were all there to pick me up after tragically losing Robert. In fact, they were there to see the effects of Robert drinking a fifth and a half of Jack during our 2011 annual December get-together. Remarkably, they still came back! 

Much better!

During our visit, we took a walk through the Illinois College campus to relive some of our memories there. I only attended 2 years there, but they were 2 fantastic years meeting life long friends!   

The famous swing on the IC campus

Two nights of laughing, talking, drinking, playing Mad Gab and Dirty Minds, karaoke on the Wii, and just spending quality time with this group of girls is the therapy to fix anything going on in life. It's amazing how in two nights, you can just forget about the rest of the world and, simply, focus on enjoying this time together.

Peanut was also able to join in on the fun. Besides tormenting Jen's poor dog, I think he may have had a good time ... 

Lazy Sunday Morning

 I love these girls to the moon and back and look forward to our next reunion! 

Courtney, Molly, Me, Megan, and Jen (and Peanut)

That's What Sisters Are For

Last night, I found out just how lucky I am to have my sister. This is a story that will go down in history, and someday I hope to look back and laugh (even harder). 

To preface a little, I met a guy (let's just call him D-bag) last November and began seeing/dating him. We got to a point where we were spending the majority of every weekend together, and I was finally feeling like maybe I would find happiness again. I thought things were going very well .... until ...last Sunday I had a sick feeling in my stomach.  I ended up finding out that he had been talking to another girl. He informed me it'd been going on the whole time we were dating, and I was crushed.  He said he needed time to "think and decide who he wanted because he really liked me and had feelings for her".  After a whole week shedding too many tears and giving him too much time, I finally decided to completely break it off with him for good. 

This is where my sister steps in.  She takes in upon herself for find the "other" girl on facebook and send her a message. This was the start of a conversation between the "other" girl and her discussing what has been going on with D-bag. Then, I began messaging her and ended up having an hour phone conversation comparing all the lies we've been told.  It was lie after lie after lie.... I really can't believe he was able to keep up with all of them ... This girl was very sweet and I'm so glad we were able to connect. We're able to support each other with moving on and not giving him the time of day. 

I got a message from him saying "thanks for ruining everything. Now I lost 2 girls that I care about."  He sure has a funny way of showing he cares ...by lying over AND over ...

In the end, I'm glad I found out about all of these lies after only 5 months. I owe many thanks to my sister for taking a step out to take care of me and assist me with finding out all that D-bag was up to. I chalk this up to just another minor bump in the road called life. 

I thank God and Robert, once again, for looking out for me and showing me this was NOT the right person for me.  Finding out two days before the 1 year anniversary of Robert's death speaks volumes to me. I honestly believe someone was looking out for me. I can still hear Robert laughing and carrying on because he knows just how evil and crazy my sister can be. 

Thank you, Amy, for helping me through this all. From the way we fought when we were younger, I never dreamed we would grow up to have the relationship we have. I'm so thankful to have you and wouldn't change one thing about what we have.  

Here's to moving on in life with God, Robert, and, apparently, my sister on my side! :)

On a much happier note, I'm so glad to have this precious little niece in my life.

I just love little Brynzlee soo much, and it makes me miss my precious nephews being little enough for me to snuggle with them. Now they're all grown up and it's not as "cool" to hang out with their Aunt. 

A Whole Year

Dear Robert, 

        It's so hard to believe that it's been one year since I came home to the most heart stopping, breathtaking news that I never dreamed I would get. These past few weeks, I've found myself reliving every last moment that we had together from our last phone conversation to our last shopping trip together. Our last weekend together will forever be engrained in my mind. We made your dream come true by purchasing you a lawn mower.  You were so excited about it that you literally asked me if you could drive it home from the mall. You just couldn't wait to get on that mower. You were so excited on Sunday morning that you had to take it for a spin to show the neighbor in your church clothes!!  You were so proud. You were even more proud when you were able to actually mow the grass after we got home from church.  I never thought you'd be so excited to mow the grass and I could just kick myself for not taking a picture (or two) of you prancing around on that mower.  You're face was just priceless!!

Besides buying the mower that weekend, we also started our wedding registry. What an exciting beginning to an exciting time.  I felt like I had to control your "kid in a candy shop" outlook when we had the scanner to scan items.  I couldn't let you out of my sight for too long because I just knew that you'd be scanning something that we didn't really need.  Much to my surprise, after coming home to check the registry ... you had scanned the $250 cooler and $800 lawn furniture set because, of course, you thought we needed that.  If I could go back, I'd give you the scanner and let you have at it. It was a moment that you enjoyed and I wish I could've made it last longer for us. 

While you mowed on Sunday, I tackled the housework so we could have some downtime together that afternoon.  That downtime turned into you and I taking a nap; yours being slightly longer than mine. After waking you up, we went to Walmart for groceries and had our last meal together, McDonalds.  How romantic!  It's funny that we had McDonalds the evening we got engaged and as our last supper together. 

Then, it was off to bed and ready to start another week.  Monday morning was our typical day with a kiss goodbye and you leaving for work. You'd always call me after you got there, and honestly, some mornings I would wonder what more you had to say to me.  That morning you called to say you'd be driving a different route because you'd make more money on this one and that you weren't sure what time you'd be home.  We ended with "okay, have a good day! I love you" and you said, "I love you too." I'll forever be thankful that the last words I heard come out of your mouth were you telling me you loved me because that love is what helped carry me to where I am today. 

Anytime I re-live the dreaded week that began with April 23, I can't help but get tears in my eyes. All the details including coming home to a coroner at the door, making "the" call to my Mom and your Mom, making other phone calls, planning the funeral, seeing your lifeless body in that casket for the first time, and seeing ALL the people who came to pay their respect to you .... what a heartbreaking and gut-wrenching week. I'd give anything to know your last thoughts and words while you were taking your last breaths here on this earth. God had a plan to call you home on that day, and as much as I hate it, I have to accept it. I just think how lucky you are to only have to spend 25 years in this cruel world ... and the rest of eternity in Heaven reunited with your Grandpa. It gives me some courage to know that I have you and my Dad up there as my own Guardian Angels to help me carry on.  

Through losing you, I have found some things to be thankful for. 
-I have developed quite a close relationship with your Mom. She will forever by my mother-in-law and a best friend. She's so sweet, and I'm so thankful to have her as well as your brothers and the rest of your family to continue to love and care for me. I know they will be my forever family and I feel like I owe a HUGE "thank you" to you for sharing them with me. 
-You've taught me the importance of being sure to tell everyone just how must you love and appreciate them. You never know when someone will take their last breath and it's so important for them to know just how much you care. 
-I've found just how much of a support system I have ... and I never would've known.  Anytime I need support, I don't have to look far. From family to friends, there's always someone to lift me up.  I would've never imagined that there were so many people who cared for me and would help/assist me with anything I need. 
-and most of all, for my faith in God.  Without God, I sure wouldn't be where I am. Its through Him that I gained the strength to carry on through this massive heartache. You were always right there to support me in my faith, and I am very thankful for that. You've helped me to continue to strengthen my relationship with God. 

I see signs of you so often which show me that you're still watching out for me. There's so many songs that I hear that I feel are you talking to me. Keep sending those signs.  I find comfort in knowing you're still right here with me. 

I feel like I owe you a HUGE thanks for sending baby Brynzlee to our family.  I just know that you had so much to do with that, and it was such perfect timing to bring her here at a time we need the most.  

There's so many things that have happened in the last year that I'd love to share with you, and I know those moments will continue to happen. I'll always hold you very close to my heart and am confident that you will continue to share life through me. I'm trying my best to continue to live a life that would make you proud. I know that the last thing you would want for me is to sit around, be sad, and let life pass me by.  I just know that you would want for me to carry on and be happy in life while continuing to miss you. 

I would give just about anything to have you back here with me and continue to live the life we had. Since I know that is not a possibility, I pledge to you to keep on living life and trying my best to be happy knowing that you will be there waiting for me when God calls me home.  What a wonderful greeting I look forward to! 

I love you forever and always and continue to miss you each and every day.

Sending hugs and kisses all the way to Heaven!  

Until we meet again,

-<3-
Erin

Meet Baby Brynzlee

I am proud to announce that on Friday, April 19, my niece, Brynzlee Grace, made her appearance. What a fantastic and most precious blessing to our family.  She sure is a little piece of heaven. 

I was able to go spend about 3 hours with her on Saturday, and I just wanted to hold her the whole time.  There's nothing more precious than a newborn baby. This one has to be one of the most precious, but I may be biased because she is my very first niece.


Congratulations Nathan and Kristin!  She is such a doll, and you two are so lucky to have her!

I can't wait to snuggle with her again!!

 Here are some beautiful pictures of her:

Simply Perfect

Precious little hand

 

 

 

 

 

So in LOVE! <3

April

I just can't believe that it's already April.  This is definitely going to be a month full of emotions for me.  It's so hard for me to take in that it will be one year since losing Robert. Some days I look back and it feels like yesterday and other days it feels like so, so long ago. I just find myself replaying all the things we did during the month of April last year when we were just living the happily engaged life.  

On a happier note, I just spent the past 3 days with my oh-so-pregnant sister (in law). Baby B will be making her appearance during this month, and I'm so very excited to get to meet my first niece. It's amazing to me how God works, sending a baby to the family at a time when it is most needed. 

I feel like I'm just going to have to push myself to make it through this month. The one year milestone just seems so big and makes it so real that he's really been gone that long. I just have to keep pushing forward. All I can say is ... here goes nothing ...