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Dear Robert,

I just can't believe that today marks two years.  TWO YEARS!  We were only together for a little over 2 years, so I've almost reached the point of being without you longer than I was with you. To be honest that's a "heart-crushing" thought. What keeps me going is knowing that I am not (nor will I ever be) truly living without you. It still amazes me every day the impact that you had in my life in those short 2 or almost 3 if you count the WHOLE time we "talked" years.  God truly had a plan when He guided us towards each other.

It's been quite a year without you...

First, Babies and you know how much I love babies.
-Miss Brynzlee graced us with her presence just days before your 1 year anniversary in Heaven, and spending those few weekends with her during her first month of life were what helped carry me through. This precious gift came at just the right  moment!
-Mr. Kaz Robert, your first nephew,  joined this world in November. This handsome boy captured my heart first from pictures, and then when I first held him on Thanksgiving.  I know just how special this little man would be to you, and he's even starting to look like you.  What a lucky boy! :)

I know just how much you'd adore these two ... and can only imagine what you'd be teaching them!

 

Second, Weddings!

-I was lucky enough to stand up with Doug and Chelsea at their wedding. Your presence was very apparent at that wedding. There was a moment of pure heartache that hit me during the wedding thinking that I should've been the one becoming "Mrs. Connor". I'm so honored that Doug and Chelsea asked me to be a part of their special day!  And there was that special dance that Doug picked out for him and I.... let's just say hearing "The Dance" and dancing with your brother ..... made me break down to my ugly cry face.
-Then came Amy and Tyler's wedding ... another day full of emotions for me. You should've been there ... You were there to coax Amy into giving Tyler a chance, so it only seems fair that you should've been there to celebrate them becoming husband and wife.  You would've been on Amy's tail about her wedding craziness ... and been there to support Tyler when she got a little "out of control". I couldn't be more proud to stand up as Amy's maid of honor, and let me just say, that I rocked the speech (thanks to a little or a lot of liquid encouragement).  You would've been proud!

Third, your Mom. 
Getting a call the Saturday after Thanksgiving that your Mom was being taken by ambulance to Champaign because she was full of infection was a very, very scary time. What did I do first? Run upstairs to tell my Mom, hug her, and cry.  How could this happen to your sweet Mom. She is the lady that has became just like a second mother to me and who has been there to support me at my lowest points. I'm so thankful that Aunt Debby called me to keep me informed and even more thankful to be there to support your Mom through this long, drawn out hospital stay.  I sure enjoyed our (almost) weekly visits in which we chatted.  You were brought up soo many times. Many, many prayers were said for her and I know through your support as well, she is getting better! She (along with all your precious family) was even able to make a trip to Decatur for Easter, and that meant SOO much to me! I cherish all the time I can get with the Connor's!

Fourth, your girls.
You left some very, very special little "nieces" -Peyton, Sawyer, and Addison. Can you believe that Miss Peyton started kindergarten? I was lucky enough to keep her and Sawyer overnight this summer, and let me just say, I had a blast!  You would've LOVED it!!  Little Miss Addison is still sassy (they say she gets it from me?!?!) but she's just the cutest AND she became a big sister to Rinley, who you would also adore.  I was able to visit with all of these sweet girls and their parents during visits in March.  Miss Paislee has also joined the Pollert family now, and I'm anxiously awaiting my visit to meet her for the first time!!! How lucky am I to inherit you're wonderful family and friends?!?!

Year 2 has seemed "easier" than year 1.  I still miss you, but I've just learned to push on through the heartache. I have to thank you for giving me the will to enjoy Christmas this year although I cried putting the tree together.  It brought me back to the day we went to buy a tree and you were sooooo excited. I think the exact words were "I don't care if you get a tree ... but if you put it up  by yourself.. you're taking it down by yourself."  Your love for Christmas just glowed bright through your words... ha!

<3

Two years ago today, my world came crashing down, and I honestly thought it was over... I didn't know where to look next.  In the last two years, I've realized that I can (and have to) move forward. I still miss you every day.  I promise to continue living and making you proud. When I'm down, I try to pick my head up knowing that you're looking out for me. I'm confident in knowing you would want me to find happiness. I'm just thankful to have you supporting me along the way.

I heard the song "Beer with Jesus" the other morning, and just pictured you up there enjoying beer with him.  Put in a good word for me while you're talking to him!

Love you to inifinity and beyondest forever and always,

Erin

Reminiscing

The week has arrived.....  The week that will play through my mind over and over for many years to come. 

The week that started with our last weekend of fun, buying a lawn mower, registering for the wedding, and spending some precious time together and ended with laying Robert in his eternal resting place .....

Tonight, I pulled out some of my "keepsakes" just to reminisce.  It's hard to lose your best friend, but you know what makes it easier?  Having many, many people there to support you and pick  you up when you fall.  I never realized how big my support system was until this moment, and wow!  I'm such a lucky girl!

These "keepsakes" consisted of:

Sweet, sweet cards from Hope Academy students

See what I mean about sweet?

 

Our wedding guestbook, that turned into the funeral guestbook ......

Cards from those wonderful people who sent caring words and were there to support me

One card in particular that just stands out to me

Some may ask why I keep all of this, but I find it so comforting to turn to at moments when I get sad.  Yes, I may have lost my very best friend, but it helps me remember that he's the lucky one.  He gained his angel wings and was finally able to meet my Dad!  Also, these "keepsakes" show me just how many people were there for me at a very low, low time in my life.

It's such a "pick me up" to remember how many people truly cared and reached out to me at that time. 

Hoping I can be that person to ALL of them when needed.  Sticking together is what helps us make it through.

Thank you to everyone who supported me then and continues to now!  I truly and greatly appreciate it!

Ode to My Sister

To many of you or all of us, today is tax day, but more importantly ... today is Mrs. Amy Roe Jones' 32nd birthday!
 
In honor of her 32 years, I thought I would share 32 pictures (in no particular order) of this  wonderful person that I call my sister!

 

Only "we" would bustle a dress in QT

God truly knew what He was doing when He made Amy and I sisters.  He knew that I would need her support, encouragement, listening ear, fighting side, and everything about her in my life.

Amy, I'm truly thankful for everything you are to me, and I cherish every minute that we get to spend together.

Here's to many more crazy times! 

Happy Birthday!!

April

How can it be April already? 

This is definitely a month full of memories for me ... some good and some just plain terrible. 

It's so hard to believe that it's approaching the 2 year anniversary for Robert.  This week I've been replaying our last months, weeks, days, hours and even minutes together. I'm so thankful to have those to hold so close to me.

I've seen two quotes shared on Facebook this week that have hit so close to home.

This rings so true to me.  I see it in many conversations of mine that turn into, "before my Dad passed away", "after my Dad died", "before losing Robert", and "after Robert passed" ... over and over and over.  Two moments in time that forever shaped the rest of my life.

I would be lying if I said this wasn't a fear of mine.  What scares me the most is losing someone else that I love. Losing the man that I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life shattered every part of me ... The thought of going through any of that again scares me.

On a positive note, my mother in law, Laury, was released from the hospital today after 4 months and 5 days in the hospital.  Praise the Lord!!  After many surgeries and even more prayers, she was able to "break free".  She still has a road of recovery ahead of her, so keep on praying! 

Also, little Miss Brynzlee will be celebrating her 1st birthday this month!  Can't wait to celebrate with her.

Here's to holding memories very close to my heart this month!