New Year's Eve 2012

 My life a taken quite a journey this year. When 2012 started, Robert and I were living in our own house, making wedding plans for September 29, and preparing for our happily ever after. Here's some pictures to recap the beginning ...

My cousin's wedding in February

St. Patty's Day in St. Louis

My sister's 30th birthday party

Life was simply amazing.  We went and did our food tasting for the wedding, began our wedding registry, and bought Robert a lawn mower. And then, that one horrible, terrible, unforgettable day happened .... the day that I wish I could rewind and simply erase. April 23.  It's a day that replays in my mind very often. Wishing I could've done something different to prevent experiencing the pain and sorrow of losing my very best friend .. the man that meant everything to me ... 

From then on, it really feels like a blur.  As much as I felt the days were dragging on, it seems like I blinked and months flew by.  

Even though this has been a heartbreaking year for me, one of my very sweet friends took the time to remind me that there's also been quite a few positives. I have realized the amazing support system that I have.  I'm so thankful for my amazing family, Robert's fantastic family, and all my friends who have helped me to make it through these past 8 months ... There's been many tough days, but together we've been able to make it so far. I also have a great group of co-workers who stepped up and took over for me as well as supported me through going back to work. I will be forever thankful for that. I have my class of kinders from last year who helped me more than they'll ever know through those last few weeks of school. Then, there's my group this year that always know how to make me smile and help get me through the day.  It's amazing how much 5 and 6 years old can do to help you get through.  They all mean so much to me!   

Here's a few more pictures from the year .. 

Most of the RoCo's

My baby brothers and I

Robert's wedding boot with my wedding bouquet

My memory bear made out of the shirt he wore in our engagement pictures

Everyone at the RoCo picnic

My amazing girls and I

Roe Family Christmas

I can only hope and pray that 2013 will be more positive. Here's some things to look forward to:

-the arrival of my first niece who's due on April 20
-being a bridesmaid in Robert's youngest brother's wedding on October 5
-being the maid of honor is my sister's wedding on November 23

It's heartbreaking to know that this will be the first of many years without Robert, but I know he would want me to carry on ... so I will do my best to make him proud.
 

It's been quite a while .....

... since I've written. 

Life has definitely been moving in fast forward since Thanksgiving. Especially the weekend when I had a wedding and a funeral.  What a busy time. 

I was overjoyed to be standing up with two very special people as they said "I do" on December 8th.  These two actually met through Robert and I in our "man cave". It's so hard to believe that the meeting in the man cave led to a simply BEAUTIFUL wedding!  It was an emotional time for me, but I was just so happy for the two of them and to see them both so happy was perfect.  I had a BLAST at the reception and all the dancing had my legs hurting for quite a few days ...

It was so hard to jump from the excitement of a wedding to attending my Uncle's funeral. He had been fighting cancer, and it just seemed to take over. What a sad story. This was the first funeral that I've attended since Robert's which made it VERY tough. There was one point at the end when everyone was walking by one last time and greeting the family that the events of April fled right back to me and I just started sobbing ....  Thank goodness my Grandma was next to me to console me. I'm still thinking of and praying for my aunt and cousins each day as they move forward from this tragic loss.  It's definitely going to be a tough time for them ... 

And now we're on the countdown until Christmas.....

I'm still trying to find my excitement.  Usually, Christmas is my most favorite time of year and I can't wait to wrap presents, get the decorations up, and enjoy time spent with family.  This year .... it's just not the same at all. Many tears have been shed and I know many more will still come. I just don't have the heart for Christmas this year.  I have made myself buy gifts because I know it's the right thing to do.  

At this point, I'm just ready to push through and move past Christmas.  I'm hoping that it's not this hard for me every year.  There's just a HUGE hole in my heart this year, and I can't imagine celebrating this day without my best friend by my side. If only I could go to Heaven for Christmas day to celebrate.  It would be nice to visit with all of my loved ones that are up there celebrating with Jesus. 

I just keep praying for the strength to keep on pushing to make it through each and every day....... 

Merry Christmas from Peanut Jay!