On My Mind

To say that Robert is always on my mind is a definite understatement.  I think of him at least a million times a day and what each day would be like had he still been here with me. 

This past weekend, he seemed to occupy more of my time and it was one of those weekends that I found myself missing him more and more. I'm not sure what it was that caused this, but every free moment I had was spent thinking about him and missing him being right there with me.  I spent part of the weekend at my Grandma's, and I felt a huge hole being there without him.  The last time I stayed the night there was during my break in the spring when I took my wedding dress over there.  He wasn't with me, but of course, I talked to him quite a few times while I was there.  Sitting in the family room visiting with family made me miss him, because I missed his smartass comments and contributions to the conversation.  Going to church was very difficult.  I had to fight back tears because I hadn't been to my Grandma's church since my cousin's wedding in February and Robert was by my side. 

It's amazing how sometimes its the simple little things that bring back all the emotions and grief. Yesterday, I attended a bridal shower for a good friend who Robert and I actually "set up" her and her now fiance. The time there was fun seeing many coworkers and friends, but I got in the car to drive home and the tears started falling.  Here comes that bad feeling of missing out on celebrating my bridal shower.  Not because I wanted the gifts, but more because that would be one step closer to the dream wedding that was being planned.  

Today Robert and I should be celebrating our one month anniversary of being Mr. and Mrs. We should be reminiscing the wonderful events of our wedding. Instead, I sit here thinking it's been 189 long, dreary days since I last woke up to him right beside me and heard his sweet voice.

The days seem to only get longer, but I just think that each day that goes by is one day closer to being reunited with him again in Heaven.