6 Months

August 13, 2011

6 months ago today my life changed forever.  A very typical Monday made a turn for the worst the instant I pulled into my driveway.  I lost my best friend, my fiance, and the person that could make me smile no matter the kind of mood I was in. There's so many times I think back to the events of that week and question if all of that really happened. I NEVER dreamed that at the age of 26 I'd lose the person that I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with.  How unfair. 

These past 6 months have been very trying and I feel like I've just been an emotional roller coaster. Some days I accept what happened and thank God for the years, months, weeks, days, hours, and seconds that I had with Robert because he truly was an angel sent into my life. Then there's days that I'm angry. Crying and screaming at God for taking him and Robert for leaving me.  Other days, I'm just plain sad.  Sad that he's gone, sad for all the things we didn't get to experience together, and sad that I have to live the rest of my life here on earth without him by my side.  That's such a hard concept to grasp. 

I've experienced emotions that I never thought I'd have.  The biggest being jealousy. I've never been a jealous person, but grief has brought that into my life. Jealous of those that get to get married and live their happily ever after. Jealous of those that get the chance to start a family by having a child together. I hate feeling jealous, but there's days that I just can't help but feel that way. I can only hope that this feeling will fade with time.

If it was up to me, I'd say that I've been dealing with this tragic event as well as I could. I've found a reason to get out of bed every morning (and sometimes that's a struggle). I've continued to go to work and try my best. Honestly, I don't feel like I'm giving my job my all at this point, but again, this loss has just affected every part of my life. 

I feel like I owe a HUGE thank you to all of my family which definitely includes my in-laws (Robert's family) and all those friends who have been here to give hugs, kleenexes, and just listen to me go on and on and on about Robert. It's comforting to me to talk about him, and I'm sure some people get tired of hearing about it.  Making the drive to see Robert's family and friends helps me more than any of them will ever know.  It's comforting for me to go over there and have nothing but memories of Robert while I'm there. They are all I have left of him, and I will spend as much time as I can over there.

A year ago this past weekend, Robert and I were in his hometown taking our engagement pictures. We were so happy to be planning this wedding (Robert probably not happy for the planning part, just the beer and being married) and looking forward to many wonderful years together and starting our own family. I just can't believe how much life can change in a year. 

Just remember, life is short.  You never know when your (or a loved one's) last day on this earth will be. Cherish all of the moments you have with family and friends. Live with no regrets. Let go of anger inside of you. Live like this could be your last day on earth. Most importantly, never miss the chance to tell someone just how much you love and appreciate them. 

Miss this man each and every day!

"Sometimes life gives us what feels like only little time with ones we love...but sometimes in those brief moments we get memories that last a life time... And whenever I start feeling sad because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss.”