Grief

One simple word that is so very hard to explain. 

The grieving process is so unique to each person and it still catches me by surprise.  There's moments that I feel like I'm doing so well ........ and then there's the moments that bring me two steps back. 

Robert has been heavy on my heart and mind this week.  I've found myself talking to him every night before I went to sleep and every morning while getting ready for work.  There was even a day this week that I was crying on the way to work.... and that hasn't happened in quite some time. 

I know part of it relates  to my sister's wedding that is quickly approaching. To be completely honest, that is going to be a very, very hard day for me.  Robert had a HUGE hand in starting this relationship (or convincing Amy to start this relationship), and I know that he is SO proud to see this day approach and to see these two very special people unite in marriage.This will be my third wedding that I've been in since losing Robert, and let me just tell you how hard it is to stand up there and watch someone's dream come true knowing that I wasn't able to have that chance with the man I loved. Now, I really couldn't be any happier for my sister.  I love her to death and am thrilled that she found her prince that is absolutely perfect for her.  She deserves Tyler and everything he is to her, and I am so VERY proud to stand up as her maid of honor!

Another reason Robert has been on my mind is the Holiday Season that is also quickly approaching.  This is a time to gather with family and friends to celebrate together.  I know that I am in much better spirits than I was at this time last year; however, there's still such a huge void without him. 

I'm so thankful to have found the Blog world which has linked me to others that have been in similar situations. It makes me feel normal to "see" their grief expressed and to know that there's others going through the same steps as myself. 

I'm also so thankful for the innocence of my kinders.  They really are wonderful and keep me moving forward.  One happened to notice my ring (even though I've worn it every day) and asked about it.  When I said it was from my fiance who passed away, this child said "well, that's sad" and continued to work on what he was doing. 

Also, I could go on and on about how thankful I am for family.  I say it over and over again, but it's such a blessing that the Roe's and Connor's have really become the RoCo's.  One BIG, HAPPY, and LOVING family!  It's such a wonderful  thing. 

And as I read this, I know this is exactly what Robo would tell me ... (maybe add in some sarcasm and smartass comments...)

I'd just like to say thanks to all those that continue to support me! 

I love you all! 



I promise the next post will be a little more upbeat with #tobejonesy day soooooooo close!